There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
