In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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