I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
worst night to have a conscience
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
