i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
