I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
