he puts the penis in happiness.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
