first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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