Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
