Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
