Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
