She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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