whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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