I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
