the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
