but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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