I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
