Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
