You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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