i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
