NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
