So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
