She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
