I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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