Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
