Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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