Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
