i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
