Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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