help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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