jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
