oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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