she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
