I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
