ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
