At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
