Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
