I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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