i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
