I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
