I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Someone signed my nipple.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
