doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
