At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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