By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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