Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
