Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
