We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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