Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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