Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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