I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just google imaged poop.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
