I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
