WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
