Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
