That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
