we're blogging at a bar
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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